Conan - 5/10
In the gaming world there has always been a big focus on titles that in some way revolve around the same thing, whether it be stealth agents such as Solid Snake, Sam Fisher and Agent 47 stealthly taking out evil doers, beat em up games with the same anti interesting storylines, FPS game with cheesy voice overs and platformer games with similar cutesy lead characters. Although personally i love all the above, i've also wanted a different character to act, not the same old gadget equipped agent who kills with guns or the same fluffy animal who jumps on things heads to collect coins. Having said this Conan is almost the opposite to most of these trends, he is a burly barrel chested savage macho man with veins popping out of his arms and wields a sword/giant mace/axe to kill his enemies. This kind of lead character on paper sounds like a breath of refreshing air that should work in the gaming world. Unfortunately it doesnt. 
and although Conan is a great character to play as, he is no Nariko, Kratos or Solid Snake that is for sure.
Games regarding gladiators, spartans, conan and so on are few and far between these days and when they are released they are usually not all that. Only the brilliant Shadow of Rome from PS2 fame comes to mind as to being one of the few quality games based on this era. First lets start on what Conan does do right, and that is gore. Wow is this violent! If there was an all-you can eat buffet of blood, guts, gore and semi naked girls, this would be the most popular buffet in town. Every slice, dice, thud, and smash results in heads being lopped off like lillies, blood spurting like water fountains, intestines jerked out of stomachs, torso's being forcefully bisected by axes, skulls smashing into squishy wet drippy lunks of meat and the odd arm and leg being dislodged from its joint as gouts of the crimson stuff shower the arena floor turning the once white sand into red sand. One swipe with you're sword will have you're enemy screaming and mindlessly wander around without both arms spitting blood from his stumps before dropping to the floor in a crumpled writhing heap. Better still if thats not enough violence for you, you can simply start stomping on you're enemies corpse for good measure. Yes, this is a game that warrants that red MA15+ sticker, or it should it be that black R18+ sticker?
Then there is the so called "selling point" of the title, the sex. Which has our baywatch beach goer Conan save near nude females who are tied to trees. If you have a fascination for rendered jiggling breasts then there might be some sort of incentive in here somewhere, but personally i think this is a lazy way of trying to make a game that will appeal to gamers. Some nice next gen visuals and much more variety in combat would have made a world of difference to making a quality game rather then the developers just relying on some amazon porn which really is the only good point about this so so adventure.
There is quite a few moves in the combat, but i feel they are executed in a very weak way, whilst in Heavenly Sword, i found myself cringing when Nariko would twist someones leg, but when i see Conan pull off some flimsy sword swipe move i find myself unimpressed by the style and fluidity of the move, Conan is very stiff with his movements and you can tell even by the character movement, there was no expert motion capturing like that of Heavenly Sword's. There are a few moves that look the buisness and there are plenty of attacks to unlock when collecting treasure and green glowing jars.
Enemy variety is quite ok, you will be dishing out the hurt against cranky swig drinking pirates, female amazon warriors, and the odd generic spartan-like enemy, and the boss battles are quite a treat in size and scale, they are nothing compared to Ninja Gaiden Sigma's disc crammed of nasties, but they fit the bill. My only wish for this game was some memorable moments, maybe a pit fight against blood thirsty tigers or a one on one fisticuff with a giant statue, something that makes you remember the experience, sadly, there is nothing here that demands you're attention, let alone you're memory.
Visually the game looks descent, its not Heavenly Sword by any means and to be brutally honest, even Shadow of Rome on PS2 eclipses it in some visual parts. The lighting effects are quite pleasing but some of the enviornments just feel empty, although look nicely detailed, similar to say walking in a beautiful house without any furniture. Animation is ugly and samey and there alot of technical bugs penetrating through this games disc surface, during one play through i died by falling through the sand, mind you it wasnt quick sand but a glitch that got me killed, a design flaw that should be properly addressed.
Maybe the eager developers wanted to get Conan out the door before PS3's more elite range start seeping through. Whichever the option, i doubt it would have made any difference regardless, even months before release, pretty much 99% of the world could see a future mammoth like Assassins Creed killing this off from a mile away, and now that Conan is released in all its 5/10 glory, you can bet Jade Raymond and the crew at Ubisoft are laughing at this travesty and who can blame them?
Overall, i am bitterly disapointed with Conan, it fails miserably, i'd play Shadow of Rome any day over this, there is no really good reason for anyone to buy this, especially with the medieval mammoth Assassins Creed on the horizon. Its worth a rent, or a sunday afternoon bash, the demo was quite enjoyable, but thats only because its short and a time filler. Is this the game for you? that is for you to judge, but i'd say rent it first because that will confirm you're answer and that answer will most likely be a big thumbs down to this title. I'm still waiting for an A grade ruthless sword and sandal epic to reach next gen, sadly, this is not that epic. 
Submitted by callan5
16/10/2007
11
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